|Has the phrase “I just don’t even know where to start…” ever popped into your head?|
Yes?? Thought so.
A few weeks ago Jared and I were listening to a podcast that talked about life’s ‘left turns’ and all of the ‘I don’t knows” we will encounter in this life.
This idea of “living in the I-don’t-knows” captured my attention like few things do.
It stuck, because, well, it was one of those things that I almost laughed out loud to and responded, “Welcome to my life!”
Living life in the I-don’t-know may not always feel like a fun space to be in. Truthfully, it can feel full of confusion and frustration. It can feel unfulfilling and unprogressive. It can feel dark and hopeless.
The more I’ve coached in both our Family Culture and pornography recovery sectors the more I’ve noticed three types of groups the I-don’t-knowers seem to fall into.
Group 1: This sucks. I suck. They suck. It all sucks.
Yes, that’s dramatic annnd I am paraphrasing but you get the point.
Group 2: I guess this is life so I am just going to have to accept it and deal with it.
It’s definitely a different perspective than Group 1 buuut does that feel like a positive, progressive outlook? Not really, no.
Then, there is this group.
Group 3: Well, let’s see where this is taking me! Let’s look into this one here…
This groups settles in for the adventure and has the will to see how an experience can be there benefit even when it seems there is no benefit to be had.
It’s always interesting to hear the responses from people when Jared and I talk about being grateful for the journey pornography took us on.
Were we grateful for the habit? No.
And don’t get us wrong… There were definitely “I don’t know where to start days”. Lot’s of them!
But the life we live now is a choice. And it’s a choice intentionally made.
You see, early on, Jared and I decided two things.
One, we were willing to trust the Lord to show us how to figure life out even when it was hard, uncomfortable, hurtful and unknown. We knew God was prompting us forward so with faith and one things in our playbook (thing 2!), we moved forward.
That second thing… The one thing in our playbook? We would always set our sights on something greater than us, our frustrations, or our struggles.
For us, that goal was the temple.
And more specifically, being together in the temple.
Living our values didn’t magically mean we were always able to go into the temple together. It didn’t mean a pornography habit suddenly went away or that my mental health post habit magically healed over night.
It meant even when we didn’t know WHAT to do, we knew WHAT motivated us to continue to move forward… to fight… to heal… to build… and to progress; individually, as a couple and as a family.
That motivation wasn’t just something that came out of thin air.
Motivation is an energy that comes from something that stirs you… something that resonates and inspires… something that may just be important to who you are divinely created to become.
That soul deep motivation… it’s powerful.
It has the ability to help each of us endure, search, guide, try, try again, heal, trust, love and thrive and so much more.
That’s one of my favorite things about the powerful motivation of you personal values… They move you.
They move you to live a certain way, to create certain things and to strive to become a certain type of person.
They move you towards a new way of life.J
ared and I both have personal values: character values, lifestyle values and progression values. As a couple and family, we also have values we live by.
At the top of all three values lists are two things: faith and family.Values don’t mean we are never going to mess up.
It doesn’t mean that we won’t struggle and that our weaknesses are magically going to disappear.
As a mom, I am still going to have bad days and probably yell at my kids. Jared may have a temptation arise. Our kids are probably going to fight. And we are going to have to adjust along the way.
But that doesn’t mean our values go out the window.
It doesn’t mean we’ve failed.It doesn’t mean we quit.
Living our values means pulling our values back into focus, adjust where needed and striving again.
It means living FOR something greater than our weakness and IN something greater than we currently are.
It is an eye for a destination and a willingness to try to get there DESPITE the imperfections, the bad habits, the downfalls, the mess ups, the bad days, the relapses, the confusing left-turns and the unknowns.It means always striving to get back to what is important.
That’s why when the struggles come for Jared and I, we know how to move forward— with the temple as our goal.…with a life where faith and family are our motivation. And with our values as our roadmap to get us to the destination our minds had to arrive at long before our lives did.
If you are struggling to know what motivates you and how to step into a new way of living that feels aligned, progressive and is moving you forward with a new feeling of hope, click here to check out our Faith Forward Roadmap.
It is helping dozens of individuals and families already take some of their first steps towards living a more authentic life motivated but soul deep desires and towards arriving at the destinations their soul are craving.
Life in the I-don’t-knows doesn’t have to be scary.
It doesn’t have to be confusing.
It doesn’t have to feel hopeless.
It has the ability to move you to spaces you could never dream, have relationships you desire, and build connections that overcome all. It’s yours for the taking. You have the power. You just need to give yourself the permission to start.
Faith forward, friends. We’ll chat soon!
-Jared & Beth
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|Faith forward, friend! We’ll chat soon.Jared & Beth|